It was 1987.  I would have been 12 going on 13.  A young friend of my cousins and my sister, although he would have been about 17 or 18, was dealing with severe manic depression as a result of bipolar disorder.  Unfortunately the mental health services in Halton Region were completely useless at the time and unfortunately the young man committed suicide.

This was the first funeral I had ever attended, and the first at Holy Rosary Parish in Milton.

What happened during that service was, quite frankly, disgusting.  In short during the sermon, the priest at the time said that the young man would not be allowed into heaven.  You could hear the wailing of the whole congregation.  Seeing the mother of the young man completely distraught was inexcusable.  There was practically a revolt as youth who were attending shouted back at the priest.  The priest would hear nothing of it.  He, unilaterally, decided that the young man wouldn’t be allowed into heaven because he took his own life.

I know I was a mess after that, and while I didn’t feel I had any power to do anything, this sparked within me, how important peer counselling and mental health is, and that attitudes had to change.  People living with mental health challenges such as bipolar disorder need compassion, understanding and help.  And this is what drove me to volunteer in such programs.

I wasn’t going to change the church’s view, but I could do other things.  Over the years, I hoped and prayed that attitudes would change.

And another suicide would happen again to a second friend a year and a half later in 1988.  I wasn’t at that funeral – I should have been.

Yesterday I attended the funeral for a friend from high school who committed suicide.  I was apprehensive about the church service knowing what happened in 1987.  I still to this day feel the anger of that situation.  That was not going to stop me from celebrating and grieving the life of my friend from high school, with the community of people that loved him.  This was too important.

That said, the church has learned since that time.  Our friend was sent on his way to the afterlife with full blessings.  It was a beautiful thing to see, that attitudes have changed.  This helps to bring some closure to a 27 or 28 years pain.  I am still brought to tears thinking about this part of the service.

There are many things the Roman Catholic Church has done wrong over thousands of years.  This doesn’t erase that, but it does show you can teach an old dog new tricks and that enlightenment can happen.  I know Pope Francis is working to steer attitudes of the church, or so it seems.  I pray that one day the Roman Catholic Church will somehow collectively atone for it’s sins.

This doesn’t mean I necessarily support the Roman Catholic Church, but I believe it is important to acknowledge positive changes seen.  Thank you to the Pastor who celebrated a life lost yesterday and for providing that healing for me, and for providing a place where we don’t have to deal with old attitudes such as what happened in 1987.

I wrote this a few days ago, posted on Facebook but wanted to keep this in my blog,

I’ve been sitting back listening to some music from my high school days, which often gets me reminiscing about those days. Believe it or not, high school for me, despite all the awkwardness that happens had lots of good times. Definitely better than the previous three years prior.

I never felt like I belonged in any particular one group and I seemed to be quite transient between a group of friends my age and older into technology, programming, science and music; a group into technology and sports (later when I started playing Rugby); and another group of friends my age and younger who very much eclectic and at one level a bunch of misfits, again with a unifying interest in music, but more diverse between technology and arts.

This is where I met Chris I have to admit, we weren’t as close as some in the group but there was always a mutual respect, as there was between everyone who was part. In the group that included Chris, Chris, Chad, John, John, Catriona, Laura, Clayton and others; we all had such diverse backgrounds, tastes in music, we all enjoyed either gaming and computers and then whatever else we brought with us all complemented each other.

As some have alluded, Chris knew how to reinvent himself like Madonna – and that’s not a bad thing. The pranks, late night drives, the first time going to the Bovine Sex Club – THE goth/industrial club in Toronto, and being exposed to harder edged music which has inspired me today.

I always enjoyed Chris’ witty attitude and humour. I liked that he was into cars. I like cars, but he took it to a much deeper level.  

Talking tonight at the visitation, all of us are saying, “It’s too soon for any of us”.

—

The following lyrics from Duran Duran’s song, Beautiful Colours really come to mind for me.

(LeBon/Rhodes/Taylor/Taylor/Taylor)

Today, riding the slow train along the way
Going to who knows where and who knows when
Not knowing where you’re rolling – it’s the learning of this journey

I feel all you good people gather and believe
Being of flesh and breathing is enough
Promise to carry on from each moment to the next one

These beautiful colours, infinite patterns so hard I see
And though we’re all of the same stuff
There’s not one of you who is the same as me

Whoa, the beautiful colours, in different patterns for you to see
Sometimes the beauty of it all seems unbearable ’til the colours bleed (keep breathing…)

Design – everyone’s their own universe
Besides – life isn’t a standard issue it’s customized
Ashes to supernova is the nature of existence

These beautiful colours, infinite patterns so hard I see
And though we’re all of the same stuff
There’s not one of you who is the same as me

Whoa, the beautiful colours, in different patterns for you to see
Sometimes the beauty of it all seems unbearable ’til the colours bleed (keep breathing…)

Keep breathing
Keep loving

These beautiful colours, infinite patterns so hard I see
And though we’re all of the same stuff
There’s not one of you who is the same as me

Whoa, the beautiful colours, in different patterns for you to see
Sometimes the beauty of it all seems unbearable ’til the colours bleed (keep breathing…)