Category Archives: Philosophy

Learning to live with anxiety

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I live with anxiety.

It’s something that I really didn’t have an understanding of until I considered that I may be living with it, researched it, and the pandemic, plus some brewing personal situations that I needed to resolve was really the impetus for me figuring it out.

I think, when people think about anxiety, they think of the stereotypical suburban housewife in the 80s and earlier, taking Valium, not able to cope with things; which does a real disservice to women and stigmatizes what anxiety is, and how it can be treated.

We’ve come a long way since then and while mental health is still misunderstood, the treatments, compassion and care that exists today versus what I’ve seen friends go through, say, in the 80s is night and day.

NOTE: This blog entry discusses my mental health journey and while aspects here might help you, I am not a mental health expert and I advise you that if any of what I have written resonates with you, do consider speaking with a therapist.

Consider being in a situation that involves someone else where your mind is racing trying to figure out all the angles, possibilities and outcomes of the situation in advance so you’re prepared to get through any variant of the situation – a perpetual what if machine.

You’re nervous about saying the right thing in the right way because it’s super important to you, you have often been misunderstood in life, so you want to make sure you’re heard and understood. It consumes you and takes up valuable cycles you could be using to focus on other things in your life.

You become irritable, emotional – you want to do the right thing- you want to do the right thing for yourself, you also want to be considerate and do the right thing for the person you need to talk with and open up to, but you can’t because you’re trying to find the perfect way to meet your needs, their needs, to be sensitive to the other person and true to yourself.

You agonize over it.
You beat yourself up.

At least, in how anxiety has been showing up for me, this has been a common scenario. I recognize that anxiety shows up in a multitude of different ways for different people. Overcoming and learning to live with anxiety is a unique journey for everyone.

There are a few approaches I figured out for myself that seemed to work

  • I write it out as it helps to get out of your head – a theme – and allows me to collect and organize thoughts. I can spin so hard, its very hard to keep thoughts organized.
  • I talk to others to get out of my head – starting to see a theme? Mainly because I have the sense to say, “I need help!”. I know I’m stuck inside, and need to check in with someone else who is outside the situation to get a reality check, to be challenged and ultimately to help stop that spinning so I could do what I needed to do – which was to talk the person I really needed to.
  • In some situations I’m able to talk directly to the person, which really is how it should be, but it’s not as smooth as it really should be, and even in those moments, when talking things out, my head can be spinning hard.

That spinning is not kind, it will pull in other baggage, and it’s very hard to dig out. I knew that if I talked directly to the person involved about the situation I’m spinning about, it’s not going to be pretty. At least, that’s what I thought at the time.

In all honesty, no matter how weird or meandering or even ugly the path to the resolution to the situation you’re in is, dealing with it straight up is actually better. The people that can and do see past your baggage will be the ones that will help you figure things out and support you in seeing through your anxiety and triggers.

The character of Anxiety in Inside Out 2, a recent movie from Disney-Pixar, anthropomorphizes a great representation of anxiety. I really feel that if I had this story growing up, it may have given me some good food for thought or at least planted a seed where I could have realized earlier what was happening and lessened the impact on my life.

I’m not going to talk here about how I was able to connect the dots that lead to me learning how to mitigate my anxiety as it did involve some unconventional methods. The parts I will talk about are

  • it did involve looking at situations that were triggering me. At the time I was dealing with triggers constantly going off from multiple sources – I am surprised I kept it together. For me, this was typically the starting point for where anxiety starts for a given situation.
  • I had the sense to take the time to understand why I was triggered – what in my past is trying to inform me that I’m in some form of “danger zone”? This part of my looking inward journey was huge and I had to build courage to go there and face my interpretation of the past, and heal from it. I had to go back and deal with my past.
  • I spent time with my therapist to talk through what I was seeing and experiencing.
  • Most importantly, I have some amazing family around me who gave me:
    • a safe space for me to be able to deal with whatever I was dealing with in real time as things came up,
    • while they called me on my shit, it was clear they had my back and loved me and stood for me being a better Iain, and they were invested in being part of my life just as I wanted them in my life,
    • the space to make mistakes and learn from them,
    • reminders that I was worthy of that support and love,
    • a voice, that would be listened to, where I felt heard, and people took the time to understand me and what I was dealing with,
    • where I could get reassurance and learn to trust that reassurance,
    • where I could express emotion and not feel locked up, that i was wrong for just feeling and expressing that emotion – that my emotions are real and valid,
    • challenged me in a good thought provoking way – during that whole period I was constantly hearing “Get out of your head, Iain”,
    • giving me the love and respect that I really needed to get through such a weird space that I happened to get into, that I needed to dig out of.

While only I could do the work, having that support network was what I really needed to sort myself out. Definitely a gift the universe has given me.

Today, I can say my mind is the quietest it has ever been, ever. I cringe thinking about the times it lead to awkward and explosive situations. I’m not comfortable with it, and all I can do is accept that it happened and where required clean it up. learn from it and be a better person.

Anxiety has shaped my life for an incredibly long time. I can go back to my childhood where it started. I have no idea if it’s something that I’m predispositioned towards or a learned behaviour – I suspect a combination of both.

I certainly recognize what I went through, and the situations that made me a pro at the spin and keeping things to myself. My strong independent streak because I couldn’t rely on or didn’t even have the support I should have had when I was younger, and keeping things to myself as a result, among other things, all this adds up, and I am not surprised at how this turned out. It was a perfect storm.

I am proud of the man I’ve become, I’m proud of the hard work I’ve done on myself to be a better human. The true me has always been upbeat, personable, hardworking, someone who wants to do the right thing, make the world a better place and an introvert-leaning ambivert willing to look inwards,

The people that matter, I know, are also proud of me. I would not be where I am without them.

40 Years of Computers

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This month I celebrate 40 years since I was given my first computer – A Timex Sinclair 1000. I’ve talked about and reminisced about this time period often.

The fishbowl PC next to my first computer, a Timex Sinclair 1000

Mum finally agreed to get a computer, so off we went to Consumers Distributing in Mississauga on Dundas St, after piano lessons. It was between a Timex Sinclair 1000 or a Texas Instruments TI99/4a – both being on sale. As history would have it, we bough the Timex Sinclair 1000 for CA$69.99 in 1983 – Today apparently that’s $211.77 adjusted for inflation!

That was a huge purchase back in the day, and it had a massive impact on my life.

Two months later, my Dad bought us a Commodore 64 for Christmas at a Zellers in Guelph complete with a Vic Desk, Monitor and disk drive! It was an amazing setup!

With my parents divorced, we had to keep the Sinclair a secret from Dad out of the irrational fear that he would not buy us the Commodore.

I’m so glad and very fortunate my parents invested in my future though both systems. It’s let me appreciate generations of computers from an early age. I used both a fair but, and we expanded the Sinclair with the thermal printer and a 16k RAM pack so we could play Frogger in black and white. 10 minutes to load from a tape deck!

In 1987, an acquaintance from school gave me his TS/1000 and a bunch of tapes. Both still are here with me, as are the tapes and a tape deck.

The impact of having a computer in my life did several things

  • It very much inspired my career – There were several things I wanted to do between becoming a high school Computer Science teacher, to being a software developer that travelled. I ended up doing the latter between software development, being a consultant, management and architecture.
  • It became a major hobby – between maximizing my home network, my retrogaming projects and other things, it opened up a whole new world to me, one that I wanted to play a part in.
  • It helped drive friendships and connection – Nothing like trading games to create community back then. L33t! 😉

My history of computing goes something like this

  • Timex Sinclair 1000
  • Commodore 64
  • Commodore Amiga 500 – I saved up for this all summer, the graphics were amazing
  • AST 486SX Laptop – Which sadly died two years after I bought it, not having used it for a year while I was living the UK
  • Commodore Amiga 3000 – This was given to me by a former work colleague and landlord. I took it with me to the UK and used it to emulate a Mac to complete my assignments
  • Compaq Presario 4528 – This was my first desktop Intel machine – Pentium II power with MMX! I used this to finish my degree
  • PC I had built – I’ve completely forgotten what the specs were for this machine
  • Lenovo T-Series laptop
  • Apple PowerMac G4 Desktop
  • At this point I got indoctrinated into Apple with various Mac laptops – G3, G4, MacBooks, MacBook Pros, MacBook Airs, an Intel-based iMac & MacMinis, and currently with an M1 Mac Mini, and a MacBook Pro
  • Various Raspberry Pi Model 3Bs, 4s, 400s, 3As
  • Minisforum HX90 – My first desktop PC since around 2003 which I was going to use for my arcade project but ended up not doing so
  • Beeline SER5 – I’m using this on my Pinball Machine to drive Pinball FX
  • Alienware M15 – AMD Rizen 9 7845 and Nvidia GeForce RTX 4070
  • And finally, to celebrate my 40th year of computing, I finally built my own PC with my friend Charles with an AMD Rizen 9 7950X3D and an AMD RX 7900 XTX which is all decked out with LCDs and LED lighting

If I were to include game machines:

  • Commodore Amiga CDTV – Do we really consider this a game machine? LOL
  • Commodore Amiga CD32
  • Nintendo Gameboy Colour
  • Nintendo Gamecube
  • Nintendo Gameboy Advance SP
  • Nintendo 3DS
  • Nintendo Wii
  • Sony Playstation 3
  • Xbox 360
  • Sony Playstation 4
  • Xbox One
  • Sony PlayStation 4 Pro
  • Xbox Series X
  • Playstation 5

Which gives me pause for thought.

Put my Timex Sinclair 1000 next to my new desktop PC – As a kid, I could not fathom having a computer that could generate the images that we now see in 4K on our computer monitors. My friends and I thought it was going to be an impossible task to emulate an Amiga, yet, today we have small credit-card sized computers that can emulate such a machine many times faster, with a huge amount of ram and storage space, relatively speaking.

At that time in the 80s, I’m not sure we could envision what we have today, even in the 90s. I think, by the 2000s you could see where things were going so the surprises are becoming fewer and fewer.

How many Cray XMPs are on my desktop? 800 MFLOPs versus 563 GFLOP (563000 MFLOPS) – 703 times the processing power!

We’ve come a long way from having to cool super computers the way we did in the 80s to what we have today.

The power of my new desktop, even my laptop, is completely insane!

I do believe one of my Timex Sinclair 1000s still works, the other would need to reconnect the keyboard properly and fix one of the membrane keys. The other challenge is having a TV with an analogue antenna port, which I do have, so I have ways of connecting the computer up to a TV.

Frogger for the Sinclair ZX81/Timex Sinclair 1000 being run off my Raspberry Pi arcade console

This is one of the reasons I believe in retro gaming archives and emulation, so people can experience what it was like using some of these more “primitive” machines which are so important to computing history, inspiring people and getting computers into the home.

I won’t lie that I miss the discussions we would have on the merits of different platforms, specifications, what computer the future should pick but that business had blinders on focusing on Intel 80X86 systems rather than the superior Motorola 680X0 series, what the future should be. We were all idealists back then, and we did have some foresight.

Thing is, that discussion became – Xbox versus Playstation, AMD versus Intel, Windows versus macOS. Where it used to be considerably broader, it always seemed to become two against each other – Commodore versus Atari back in the day.

DOS and Windows did become way more refined like Amiga Workbench and Apple macOS. Platforms are a lot more open. For example could you imagine the Windows Subsystem for Linux to run Linux oriented software on Windows? macOS being built on BSD? I couldn’t have either.

So what is there to get excited about these days, especially given 40 years of system versus system battles? Here is what I’m interested in:

  • Miniturization – The fact that a Raspberry Pi running an ARM core can emulate so many machines is, in many respects, mind-blowing. Just how powerful that platform is.
  • Efficiency – While my “Fishbowl” is one of the fastest setups you can buy, speed isn’t necessarily everything to me. Doing what I can with efficiency is really neat, which goes hand in hand with miniaturization. Doing all that I can to maximize use of the system. For example, I have a Raspberry Pi server in my home running multiple applications on a single machine – I’m not using an x86-based system for this.
  • What’s going on with other platforms? – I like learning and seeing what’s going on in the macOS, Linux and Windows worlds, especially with being away from the Windows world for over 20 years.

There are other things too, but those are the top three.

It’s been an incredible journey of 40 years.

Setting up an APC UPS, Synology and NUT

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I figured I’d document setting up an uninterruptible power supply (UPS) with a Synology NAS that can also shutdown a Mac and two Raspberry Pis that drive certain aspects of my home network.

I am using NUT as clients on the Raspberry Pi and macOS computers that connects to my Synology NAS with an APC UPS connected.

Synology NAS Setup

For the Synology, follow Synology’s instructions to enable UPS support in DSM with the following exceptions:

  • Enable the Network UPS server
  • Put in the IP addresses of the computers you want to send shutdown messages to. While it says, “Permitted Synology NAS Devices”, you can use Network UPS Tools (NUT) clients in both macOS and Raspberry Pi OS to monitor
  • You do need to give those clientsand your NAS static IP addresses, which they have on my network

Raspberry Pi Setup

Setting up the client on Raspberry Pi is pretty straight forward. The link provided covers setting up as both server and client if you ever wanted to use a Raspberry Pi as a server.

For the purposes of my setup, I’m going to recommend letting the NAS be the server in this case.

Make sure you pay attention to upssched-cmd

macOS Setup

macOS is a bit trickier.

  • If you don’t have Mac Ports installed, install it
  • I followed these instructions to install NUT with the exception of
  • Making sure I used the MONITOR, NOTIFYMSG, NOTIFYFLAG details from the Raspberry Pi Setup
    • I used nano instead of emacs
  • I then follow the configuration files as described in the Raspberry Pi setup with the changes in the Mac instructions in this section

Tips and tricks for the road warrior

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This week I was asked by a co-worker, whom I am mentoring, “What are your tips and tricks for travel?”  She was writing a speech for her Toastmasters meeting and given I am a bit of a road warrior, who better to ask?

Here are my tips and tricks for the newly initiated to business travel.  This also applies to anyone who is starting their own personal adventure travels as well.

1. Align yourself with an airline program, hotel program and even a car rental program

That is in order of importance too.  Consider where you are flying, the airlines available in your area, and what your goals are for those miles.  Here in Canada we’re heavily skewed towards Star Alliance with Air Canada being the dominant carrier.  I could fly American Airlines to the US to build up my One World status, but I am more likely to use Air Canada to go somewhere.

2. Get yourself Global Entry/NEXUS/Clear

Want to get through airport security quickly?  Get yourself a Global Entry, NEXUS card, or Clear.  NEXUS is really useful for those who cross the Canada/US border or travel internationally to/from Canada.  Global Entry is great if you travel internationally to/from the US.

You get dedicated lines, in the US you don’t have to pull your laptop out of your bags, and you don’t have to take off your shoes, depending on the security checkpoint you’re at.

In Canada you get a dedicated line at most airports, but have to pull your laptop out of your bag.  I have found inconsistent service.

Clear is only offered at 11 airports in the US, and honestly, I don’t see much value in the program.

The only caveat is that I am finding a lot of people are now getting NEXUS cards and slowing the process down, however airports like Toronto Pearson are opening up additional security lanes.

3. Get a points credit card

If you can, get yourself a points credit card so that you’re earning points on any purchases you make.  Make sure this aligns with the airline or hotel program you are aligning yourself with.

Personally, I aligned my airline miles with my credit cards.  While as of January first, I have only earned around 11,000 status miles, I have earned 30,644 miles total with my credit cards.

Also you get great sign up bonuses which add up quickly too.

Some cards also let you get through security quickly too, so if you don’t have status with an airline or a NEXUS/Global Entry card, you do have an opportunity to get expedited service through some airports.

4. Research your destination in advance

Look at what is happening at your destination in advance to see what is going on.  Check the news, weather, look for events.

5. Stay at the same hotel

If you’re like me, consistency is a good thing.  I’ve been staying at the same three hotels in Portland OR and Vancouver WA for the past 4 years.  I know what to expect, I know the comfort of the beds, and I’m getting the hotel points and status.  You also get to know the  staff members, and they recognize you, which sometimes helps with extra perks or if you need that extra level of care and service.

6. Consider a connection

Most of us who travel prefer to have direct flights to destinations.  It’s a pain to be delayed, to not get to your destination or back home on time, etc.  But sometimes connections can be advantageous, especially if you’re about to hit a status milestone.

Last year I flew Toronto to Dallas via Houston because that was the only flight available.  You earn just over 1,000 miles on Aeroplan/Air Canada Altitude with this direct flight.  If you fly via Houston, you get just over 1,500 miles. This year with the changes to Aeroplan, you would probably only get over 1,250 miles.  That’s a bit of a nice bonus.

Also, some airline programs consider flight segments towards earning status.  i.e. 35,000 status miles or 35 segments.  If you have 1 connection point in your travel, that equates to 2 segments. If you’re 1 segment short of status, why not connect?

7. Pick your favourite airports

Know which are your favourite airports for connections, and which airports are horrible.

For example, I don’t like ORD or PHL because it they are either very busy, or there are long walks between connecting gates.

I refuse to fly through LAX for connections because of the walk between terminals and terminal transit is horrible.  As well, Customs Border Patrol staff are rude.

I love SFO and DFW.

So there you go – What other tricks and tips do you have?

The end of an era

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With the passing of Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, I thought I would share a story from my childhood.

One of a handful of memories of my time growing up in Newfoundland was the visit of The Queen and Prince Philip to St. John’s. One part of their visit was the turning of the sod for what became the Queen Elizabeth II Library at the Memorial University of Newfoundland.

My family was in attendance for a few reasons. Mum was quite a monarchist (along with my grandparents), and Dad taught at the university in the Department of Biology.

I was four years old, standing at the side and along come Her Majesty and Prince Philip and, don’t ask my why I thought this, I thought they were my grandparents.

See, my grandmother and grandfather looked very much like Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip. My grandmother being shorter and a similar build to Queen Elizabeth; my grandfather being tall and thiner like Prince Philip.

I know at times I’ve felt silly about it growing up, but it’s become a fun memory to think about in my older age.

I had a chance to see The Queen on a visit to Toronto, my grandmother insisting I take a day off school to attend.

As i’ve grown older, I’m aware that the institution of The Firm is an extremely flawed organization, how it treats certain members of The Royal Household, how it has contributed to colonialism around the world, etc.

While it can be argued that The Queen leads this organization and has a say in how things are run, it is not as simple as that. You can see in series like The Crown the position the Queen or King is in.

Things such as The Queen being against Apartheid in South Africa and wanting the release of Nelson Mandella, yet Margaret Thatcher not willing to speak publicly to condemn Apartheid. The monarch has to traverse a fine line, but there are ways they can make their wishes be known.

You can see in recent years that the Monarchy does support self determination as countries in the Caribbean seek to become republics such as Barbados.

The Queen, as I understand her, was very much a diplomat of an amazing kind behind the scenes. I think it’s easy for others to dismiss her impacts, but if you read between the lines, you can see the importance of her role in the world.

Given some of the crap she’s had to deal with from her children too…

I wish the new King good luck in his service to the United Kingdom, Canada and other realms where he is the Head of State.

Thank you ma’am for your hard work behind the scenes, your duty and service.

Thoughts from Leadership Training #1

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I have been taking a course in management over the past few days, specifically on leadership, feedback, coaching, difficult conversations, etc.  It’s been a great course to show me the things I’ve done well over my career, as well given me some guidance as to things I should work on, so that I can be the best employee, and best manager that I can be for my staff, my management hierarchy and the company.

Today’s topic on providing feedback took me back to a time where I was asked by a Sr. Manager about an employee’s performance –  someone I was working with on a project.  I had given some feedback balancing both positive and negative feedback.  It was clear my Sr. Manager at the time was concerned about the employee, as they were new to consulting, and wanting to build up the employee, knowing that they were struggling.

It was also clear that the same Sr. Manager asked the Project Manager the same question and shared feedback from others.  The only reason I knew was because the Project Manager then came to me, essentially, berating me for the feedback I had provided, how horrible it was, and how horrible a person I was.

I don’t totally remember my reaction at the time, but I am sure I was defensive, and ultimately flabbergasted.  The Project Manager clearly had no understanding of what was actually communicated, and acted quite inappropriately around something they truly had no idea about, nor the commitment to contributing to helping that employee.

See, the feedback I provided was not malicious in any way.  It was about guiding that employee so that they could be the best consultant they could be.  I was straight up because that’s what my management needed to hear.  They didn’t want to hear some padded, safe story about how the employee was not truly doing.

Yes the employee had faults, needed to learn from their faults, and maybe even fail at something.  It’s that failure that can lead to some great growth.  Truly, it’s been amazing to watch that consultant grow over the years.

It’s all in how you deliver the feedback, your intention – to build someone up; what you are truly committed to – building a fantastic project team (at the time);  and what you stand for – my team being the best team they can be.

It was clear that the Sr. Manager could count on me for my honesty and commitment to contributing to build a fantastic team of consultants.

When providing feedback, you want to build someone up, build their confidence, build trust, and make that person feel valued.  Support them.  It can be scary to be that straight up.  Again, consider what your commitment is.

If you’re not going to provide substance and contribute to building your team, then maybe you’re not the right person for the job, leading to morale and trust issues.  Ultimately it’s destructive.

Retail therapy

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Today I engaged in some retail therapy and decided to buy a bunch of music on CD including

  • Pet Shop Boys – Elyisum – The main reason I went shopping
  • New Order – Retro
  • Alanis Morrisette – Havoc and bright lights
  • Kylie Minogue – The Best of
  • David Gahan – Paper Monsters – A steal at $1.99!

Chicago is one of those cites where I like to go shopping for music, like London.  Let me loose in HMV on Oxford St in London, 333 Yonge St (which is a pale shadow of what it was in the early 90s) or a Virgin Megastore and I’m in heaven.

Except, here in Chicago, the Virgin Megastore I was looking forward to visiting is now no longer open.  I knew Virgin had shut down the store in San Francisco, but looking at their website, I had not realized they shut down in the UK, Ireland, Spain, US, Canada, Australia and Japan!

They are open in France, Germany, Egypt, Jordan, Kuwait, Bahrain, Qatar, UAE and Oman.

On the “Elysium Track by Track” with David Walliams, Pet Shop Boys mention that a staggering 96% or 98% of music is now purchased online – I cannot remember if that was in the UK or internationally.  I knew things were dire in the physical distribution market for music, but I didn’t realize it was that bad.

And that is sad.

I asked someone that, with the Megastore being closed, where does one get music?  HMV?  Can’t find one in Chicago.  FYE at 26 East Randolph St. is the place to go from what someone suggested to me.

So after work, I had a Chicago experience on the ‘L’ – my first time going around the Loop.

I had a great time just looking for music, and I couldn’t be happier.  It’s been a long time since I did that.

There’s nothing like having your hands on the real physical project.  Being able to read the lyrics, reading the liner notes.  Without this, the music is too impersonal.  You never see details about who worked on what track, who was involved, what equipment was used, who do the artists want to thank, who is the album dedicated to?  Nothing unless you get an iTunes LP, and even then it’s only if it’s programmed into the multimedia interface.

Music is not something to just be consumed.  A collection should be nurtured. Listened to and enjoyed.  And that from an artist who has a track on iTMS and has pretty much only released music digitally.  There were/are physical copies of Bear Tracks 3 out there, BTW.

You’re only getting part of the experience.

I also still like listening to albums in the order in which the artist or band laid them out on the album.  Often they tell a story and it’s quite an art to make an album flow, much like how a DJ takes you on a trip at a club.

Then, of course, there is the quality question.  Nothing beats a CD relative to M4As, MP3s, iTunes Mastered, etc…  Some say there’s nothing like playing vinyl – the warmth, etc… And I can appreciate that after having bought albums in digital format that I had only previously owned in vinyl.

I’ve fantasized for years about, and have wanted to put together an actual physical album – be it on CD or Vinyl, complete with artwork, etc…  It’s about time I stepped up to the plate on writing more music.

I digress.  After leaving FYE, I couldn’t wait to open the albums so I rushed over to the Washington – Blue station to get the train out to Cumberland station, to meet up with a coworker back at the hotel for diner.

On the station platform I opened up each album and read the liner notes, the thank yous, the equipment used, some of the lyrics, and in particular the interviews in the New Order Retro box set.

Very much my happy place.

1988 – 1993

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This past weekend was the 25th anniversary of my high school opening and the 20th anniversary of my graduation from Bishop P.F. Reding Secondary School in Milton.

The school started in 1986 in Speyside which was a small village just north of Milton on, what was at the time, Highway 25.  I was the last set of new students to actually set foot in Speyside, and while I might not have the appreciation for the experience at Speyside as others who spent a full year or two there, I do look back at Speyside as the starting point for a great and challenging (in a good way) time period in my life.

The school offered so much to students – so many after-school activities, athletic clubs, and so many opportunities for students to shine – if you, as a student, took them.  And I’m very pleased to see that continue today.

Walking through the school this weekend, watching my former peers, students through the years, and current student perform during the Talent Show brought back some very good and fun memories of video taping the Talent Show and school play every year.  The passion, watching the students and the staff put together the various productions and the famous “If I were not a teacher” skit that was put on every year.

That infectious passion was not just applicable to the Talent Show and school play, but it felt like it was in everything that everyone did at BR.  Okay, so there were definitely a few curmudgeons here and there in both the teacher and student populations, and I’m aware of questionable things that happened on both sides, but hey, what work environment isn’t without it’s silly drama?

I very much look back on those years with considerable appreciation.  My time at BR very much shaped who I am today.  At one level I am surprised by that, but at another I am not.  How I work with my clients today, my appreciation for grammar, my mentorship activities at work and within the community, my involvement with HIV/AIDS action – all started with high school.   Looking back, it’s where the things that are important to me first started to form, although I was not totally aware of it.

High school allowed me to get some really neat experiences that I would not have otherwise had.  What stands out for me are:

  • Two specific programs – a co-op program where I spent time as a Teaching Assistant within the Board; and a program where I spent time mentoring and assisting students with learning disabilities.  These programs were ahead of the time, and I’m glad to see the co-op program blossoming.  Thanks Mrs. Stavjanik!
  • An opportunity to get experience in IT.  Back when a small company called Info 2000 was a startup, the President called up local high schools and asked, “Do you have any students interested in programming?” – a group of us were and were passed on to be interviewed by the company.  I wasn’t one of the initial ones picked, but I did work for Info 2000 later when I was 18; and then two more times as Reserve America.  Again, an opportunity that would never have happened without that experience.  Thanks Mr. Mazer and Rob Manherz!
  • We had an opportunity to see, what was at the time, leading technology when Commodore was brought in to demonstrate to us the future AmigaOS 2.0, and to try and sell the school on getting a lab of Amigas.  At the time the Ontario Government had mandated the Unisys iCONs (aka the Bionic Beaver, precursor to the QNX RTOS inside a number of different cars, embedded systems, the RIM PlayBook and BlackBerry 10 OS).
  • I had a chance to explore, experience and contribute in so many neat areas such as Media Arts from the media and advertising perspective (Thanks Mr. Parisi), video archiving the school plays and talent shows, starting a news initiative at lunches complete with video titling, Involved with school news paper – the Royal Report, band (Thanks Mr. Jones!), putting together the school course program guide for the following year and Peer Counselling (Thanks Mrs. Smith).
  • I am sure I pushed the envelope as well, with my “Computers and Pornography” presentation set to Madonna’s Vogue for the Morality course (Grade 11 Religion).  Now it was tastefully censored, it was not meant to titilate, and I did make a broader point.  Still I’m surprised I wasn’t suspended over it and that my teacher at the time didn’t get into trouble over it.  Thank you Mrs. Bradley!
  • I learned to enjoy sport, and blossomed when I was encouraged to join the Rugby team.  Nobody laughed at me, and I was encouraged, and felt like part of the team.  Of course, when I screwed up, I knew about it, and I had to learn from making mistakes.  My teammates had my back and I appreciated that – and everyone who played a part from Matt Herder, Mr. Skibinski, Mr. O’Carroll.

I have to admit, I always thought I wasn’t that involved in the school, but truth is, and the same is true at all the companies where I’ve worked – I was very much involved – behind the scenes and people knew who I was, even those teachers I never had knew who I was.  I only wish I was a little more focused in high school to direct my energies with a bit more finesse, but I will say I’ve learned.

My advice to the new high school student

  • I’m not naive enough to think that every student has an idea of what they want to do in the future.  If you don’t know what you want to do, get involved in your school.  Something will inspire you.
  • If you know what you want to do, I offer the exact same advice.  Get involved in your school.  Those broad experiences will come in handy at some point.  You don’t want to be so narrowly focused on something.
  • Those tough teachers – they’re not tough on you because they want to be a jerk, they’re tough on you because they see something you don’t.  Leverage their experience, they are there to help you.  (Thank you Mr. Jonker and Mr. Calzonetti!)

My partner was somewhat curious about  the Catholic school system in Ontario.  Being from British Columbia, they only have Public schools and they don’t have the separate school boards that we do in Ontario.

Firstly, one of the interesting things is that I was one of the few individuals at my school that was actually a non-catholic.  You would expect some degree of ostracization, but I never received any attitude for being a non-catholic – I was accepted for who I was (and in many ways still am) at the time.  Where some would have problems going to a school mass, I chose to go and not make an issue out of it because I chose to take the messages received, take the best and leave the stuff that didn’t apply to me.  In some cases I actively participated towards the end of my time at BR.

Ultimately I was left with an understanding of social justice, and as I grow older an appreciation of those lessons that I know I didn’ t have when I was younger.  While I may not agree with certain practices of the School Board and doctrine, I see it as the difference between  management and the front-line workers.  I support the teachers.

As one of the teachers said to me, he felt that we had a very good group of teachers and that they did the best to make the school interesting, and to offer engaging programs.

This weekend gave me a lot of pause for reflection thinking about the impacts of BR on all of us – whether you were in drama, arts, tech, computer science, science – We did have something very special at BR; and seeing what the students have now, and the really cool programs and opportunities that exist, I would say current students are in good hands.

Despite 23 years of the physical school being open on Main St. in Milton, the school has surprisingly withstood the test of time, and over 1,700 students.  The original school was only designed to handle 1,200 and a new school is breaking ground this year.  Some of the art painted on the walls that were completed when I was there are still around.  Check out my gallery below

Incidentally, I noticed the Athletic Department does not have a Rugby shirt as part of their collection of shirts.  I’m not quite done with wearing mine but I will be happy to donate it to the school when I am.  After all, it was the first step to building a Football team. *GRIN*

Featured on Toyota Canada’s Facebook

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Scott and I were featured, today, on Toyota Canada’s Facebook for their Earth Week campaign.  This started about a week before we even knew we were trading in our old 2009 Prius for the 2012 Prius.  Toyota was asking for people with Hybrids to tell their stories, to be picked.

They fell in love with our story because Scott and are I pretty big guys and we fit really well in both the 2009 and 2012 Prii.

As I have said before, I have no problem supporting Toyota this way.  My partner and I chose Toyota initially, in 2001, because Toyota was the only company, we thought, doing anything really significant around fuel economy and technology in line with my beliefs.

Some people have argued that it’s possible that some hybrids and even plug-in hybrids (Prius PHV, Volt) could be more polluting than their petrol counterparts.

  •  In the case of the hybrids because of the battery production, and potential wastage and environmental hazards when the car no longer runs, etc…  Well, Toyota has setup recycling programs for the battery so that when a car is at it’s end of life, or when the battery is at it’s end of life, there is a mechanism to get it recycled.  I would also hope that my car could be used for spare parts, allowing it to live on if you will.
  • The plug-in case is difficult.  If you get your power from a coal or natural gas power plan, then it could be possible that you’re adding unnecessary pollutants to the air.  At the same time, it doesn’t take much to charge a plug-in Prius – I’ve heard about 3 hours.  On the flip side, I know in Ontario you can select greener choices like Bullfrog Power that divert power in your home to greener sources.  You’ll have to do your homework in other places.

To people who say “It’s not enough”, “We need to do more” – I believe it’s something people need to make baby steps on but I do agree people need to take the time and make changes – global warming is a fact not a theory and the politics of gas is out of hand.  I’d say Scott and I have done a fair bit to help.  We always recycle, we’ve always chosen greener cars, I’m now using EV mode as much as possible, we’ve completely switched to efficient LCD TVs (my Samsung actually tells me how much power it’s drawing!), we’re using dimmers where needed in our condo, and switched to long lasting fluorescent bulbs in some of our rooms (not that there is much of a choice but I would have switched anyway).

There is more we could be doing, for sure.  I wonder if our condo building would consider switching to Bullfrog Power, and if it could help with cost savings?  Could we get solar panels for the building to drive our hot water heaters?  And the questions go on…

Construction and a sense of entitlement

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Scott and I live in a condo building built in the late 70s and completed around 1979/1980 in Etobicoke.  As such, the building has gone through a number fixes since we’ve lived here in 5 years.

The biggest project to date is the repair to the parking garage under the ground.  This involves completely scraping up all of the parking surfaces above ground, some of the park as well.  The project is being completed in three phases with the first two phases complete.

During each phase, owners have had to vacate the garage and park on the road, or if lucky, in visitor spots.

I’m noticing a sense of entitlement building up as owners duke it out for parking space in the visitor lot so they don’t have to park their car on the road including

  • People sitting and waiting for a parking space to open
  • People parking their cars in non-parking spot places including fire routes.

Scott and a friend of ours noticed an Audi in the parking lot with a $250 parking ticket.

Now, I admit, after tomorrow when we pick up the new car, I want to ensure the car is going to be safe, not going to be in an accident, scratched all to hell, etc…  But I’m not going to sit in the parking lot waiting for spots to open and I’m sure as heck not going to park in a fire route.

I accept that the construction is happening, I know it will increase the value of the building, and it’s necessary.  Having a sense of entitlement and an inflated ego because you’re feeling like you’re inconvenienced is not.  All of us have had to deal with the construction at some point.

As far as I’m concerned – shut up and deal. It’s going to take about three months to finish the project.