I wrote this a few years ago. This was my first experience with a Driver Assistance System. We’ve come along way since this time. That 2018 X3 and its predecessor the X5 we had were great cars. While I’m not a fan of where BMW is these days, as I prepare for retirement in the next 10 years, I likely won’t ever own another BMW, but I do highly recommend them and not for the flash. They are genuinely great cars and I’m fortunate and glad I had the chance in my lifetime experience owning them.
When I specced out our 2018 X3 3.0i SAV, I initially didn’t add the Advanced Driver Assistant Package, but did after thinking that hey, with the biggest vehicle I have ever owned, that Parking Assistant Plus would be a great addition to help out.
It’s been 36 hours since we picked up the X3, also known as Kumakart 2.0, and I’ve not used Parking Assistant Plus – At all. Yet. Not for lack of trying either.
No, instead, we’ve been using the part of the package that, while I thought was going to be cool, I had some reservations about. After 36 hours, I couldn’t be happier. Seriously.
So what is BMW’s Advanced Driving Assistant Package? Summed up, autonomous driving with a few buts:
Radar cruise control that keeps you 1-4 car lengths away from another car.
Steering and Lane Control Assistant – keeping your car in the lane, and it slaps your hand if you don’t use your turn signal. It also steers around bends automatically.
Traffic Jam Assistant – The car will drive in stop & go traffic for you.
Active protection – It will ask if you’d like to take a break, tightens seatbelts, automatic breaking in the event of an accident.
and a bunch of other services such as Pedestrian Protection, City Collision Mitigation, Frontal Collision Warning,
I’m not planning on getting into an accident, so I can only, really, cover Radar cruise control, steering sand lane control assistant and Traffic Jam Assistant.
All I can say is, wow. I’m using these systems extensively and way more than I thought.
And know what? I’m already considerably more relaxed as a driver using these systems. For example,
Set the vehicle to 100 km/h
Set the distance to 4 car lengths
Drive
If a truck in front of me is doing 90 km/h, the car slows down to match and keep back 4 cars. If someone moves in to my lane and is moving faster than me, the car maintains speed. If someone moves into my lane and stays the same speed as me, the car slows down a bit to go back 1 car length or so, and then resumes speed.
If the car recognizes the lines on the road, it will keep me centred in the lane and will also turn with bends in the road – itself. For this to work, though, you have to touch the steering wheel once every 30 seconds or the system deactivates. You should still hold on to the steering wheel because sometimes the car just doesn’t see the lines – especially in winter driving conditions.
What was it like to start?
Well, you’re driving a BMW and you want to test what happens when you let go of the steering wheel – AHHHHHHH! Keep in mind, you have full control, so if you need to correct something, the system defers to the driver.
What I did was turn on the systems and wait for the car to recognize the lines in the road and turn the steering wheel green – This means the car is driving. I loosened my grip. What was weird was, to centre, I find the X3 moved to the right in the lane and then corrected itself to the centre. Although coming back home tonight, I found it moved to the left in the lane and then centred. It’s a disconcerting feeling at first but once it’s centred it’s pretty good.
I wrote the following a few years ago when George Michael passed away and I found it in my drafts.
George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley nearly ran over my cousin Erika and her friend Sarah in Toronto, during the one and only concert Wham! held in Toronto. I had forgotten that story and it was the first thing mentioned after breaking the news at Christmas Dinner about George Michael passing.
George Micheal was one of the artists that my cousin Erika and I connected over. I often listened to her walkman and a tape she had picked up in Korea.
He was quite brilliant. A vibrant pop act, an amazing voice and gone way to early.
It’s funny reading a friend’s post completely dismissing George Micheal’s music as pop crap. They really have no idea the power of his music, nor the work he did behind the scenes for people and the world. Quite an understated force.
Faith, for me, came out at the height of really good pop music in 1987. The album dripped with sex, romance, love – someone trying to shed their pop roots to become a contemporary serious artist. I am surprised I was even allowed to listen to the album at the age of 13, but hey, I did. It seemed transcend the topic, taking it to a new level.
Listen without prejudice, Vol 1 – Completely changed the George Michael game. A way more serious album. A completely brilliant, underrated album and a staple of my high school years. Most notable tracks include Praying for Time, Heal the Pain and Mother’s Pride.
It never bothered me that it took him such a long time to come out as gay. People do it on their own times. The pressure he was under, everything he dealt with, considering he had lost his first partner to HIV and then his mother in quick succession, it’s not surprising as he had other things to deal with in his life, including Sony and his fight for a new fair contract.
Listening back to Listen without prejudice, Vol 1; it’s not surprising that album spoke volumes to me.
I somewhat lost interest in George Michael after this. Albums such as Older, Songs From The Last Century, and Patience did not resonate with me until more recent times.
When I got on Twitter, I decided to follow George. I followed, and I found him quite interesting and I enjoyed his banter. I miss his banter these days (updating this post in 2025).
His album Symphonica is amazing. His voice is amazing. I wish I had a chance to see him in concert.
This may have been the fastest an album has come together for me.
Screenshot
I wrote a track around October 2023 that I started using in videos for my YouTube channel which I named Strength. This was specifically for the Iain the Tech Bear videos and it first showcased on a video I produced on my first computer, a Timex Sinclair 1000.
That’s how Strength, the album, started. 15 months to produce a full album, artwork and remixes.
When I write music, I am often visualizing things, processing the emotions, how I’m feeling in the moment, is it colourful or more grey, etc. That forms the shape of the sounds I’m looking for.
If I’m in more of an upbeat mood, I’ll write a track like Good Night. If I’m in a mood where I’m reflecting certain things and feeling triumphant over something, then Phoenix may come out. If I’m envisioning a cold desolate landscape that’s covered in ice and snow, then The Rock – Winter Mix from Icebergs is something that’s going to come out.
Don’t tell me that electronic music doesn’t have emotion because I will overshare what I was thinking about when I was writing every single track I’ve written.
Strength then started to form itself into a cohesive album with a theme I never considered until it started coming out! It tells the story of the day in the life of a kid on a Saturday waking up, having friends over to play video games – possibly an old school RPG where you go on the journey together and figure out clues to complete the game.
The album seemed to form backwards – Strength, Freedom, Connecting Dots, Let’s Do This and Gaia for the first set of tracks; and then A New Day, Phoenix, DMAO, Moving On, and Good Night. It’s almost like I was channelling Stephen Covey and the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Begin with the end in mind.
I’ve just realized backwards and forwards, other than Gaia.
There were a few goals I had in mind for this album:
I wanted to break my use of the Korg M1 and I finally did that
I took layering to a whole new level with the pianos on several tracks
It had to be an upbeat album
While I have a track that references Pet Shop Boys’ Being Boring on a previous album, I’ve wanted to try that again and did that with two tracks on this album. While I’ve used the key and a few other elements as inspiration, I made both tracks my own.
Take lessons I had been learning around EDM production and apply it – I did that with DMAO and Good Night, and probably the whole album
I really wanted to up my mastering game, and I think I’ve been able to do that on this album, faster than on Icebergs, for sure. I learned heaps and learned just how much I’ve learned in over the past few years.
This album is completely written using soft synths on a Mac laptop, with the exception of one track that used hardware synths, so you can consider this my “Software” album for now.
In order of production:
Strength – I used Diva, Serum, M1, Komplete, and Largo. I love the bass on this and it’s exactly what I was looking for. It is a very synthwave track and there are parts that remind me of the Sega Dreamcast boot animation. I always pegged this track for being the last track on the album.
This track really contributed to shaping the sound of the album. The album as a whole and this track is a celebration of growth and resilience, letting go, and realizing just how resilient I am.
Freedom – Soft Synths included Alchemy, M1, Piano V3, Komplete, Nexus, Diva, Omnisphere, Battery, Omnisphere. Diva I picked up during the writing of Techknow and it’s a staple of EDM production. I resisted buying it for so long, wanting to make do with what I had, but now it’s a key part of my sound.
I think I’ve finally broken my use of a Korg M1 Piano 8. No more Rhythm is a Dancer. LOL! This track won’t be the last I write with an M1 Piano 8, but I’m going to use it sparingly. After all, the 90s were 30 years ago.
While this song may have a bit of melancholy to it, surprisingly I consider it more uplifting. It also feels like wind blowing or water flowing at points.
In the narrative of the album, it sounded like the perfect soundtrack for ending credits to a video game, maybe a JRPG. Congratulations, you’ve earned your ice cream – our version of the Platinum Trophy at the end of this track. Now, go find a Dance Dance Revolution Pad and let loose and dance your heart out!
Connecting Dots – I used Analog Lab, Alchemy, Diva, Legend Hz, Omnisphere, and Battery on this. I think this could fit in at a rave, though it’s quite cinematic. It starts slow and then builds into something phrenetic.
Within the context of the album theme, when I hear this track, I’m thinking of the gaming journey as you’re hunting for clues and then you connect the dots on a massive subplot. Kind of like life.
Let’s Do This – I’m surprised this track uses so few synths – Serum, Legend Hz, Battery; and it’s complete in 9 tracks. It’s definitely synthwave inspired. I think this track takes a listener somewhere different than they’re expecting at the start. It almost sounds like it could be used as music introducing a news show at parts – “And now tonight in the news…”. Again another one of these tracks that has a bit of melancholy, yet it feels upbeat and triumphant.
It draws inspiration from making decisions with your team to proceed with a battle, or to investigate something and the start of that journey. Interestingly, I’m thinking of Bard’s Tale as well – a fantastic RPG series – as I write this as well.
Gaia – When Gaia came together, just wow. Sitting in James’ studio in Michigan and hearing it before we stopped for the evening. It’s trance, and very ethereal and definitely feels like it has a space them. This track is the only track with hardware – Wavestate, Kronos; and on the software side: Diva, Prophet-5, Legend Hz, and for effects StutterEdit.
As the soundscape came together, on this track, I keep thinking of some of the iconic photos of Earth taken over the years of space exploration, the deep blue of the seas, clouds in the sky. Maybe a cut scene.
A New Day – I had mentioned to a coworker that I had some ideas percolating related to Thompson Twins’ Hold Me New. I’ve been listening to the Into the Gap album a lot in recent time. It reminds me of a happy time and place – choir practice – and being asked if I’d swap places with a guy so he could stand next to a girl and he traded me Into the Gap. He kept his word and a lasting memory during the start of a tumultuous time in my life.
Why Hold me now? Hold me now is such a beautiful song. I’ve been listening to that track a lot recently and while I’ve always loved it, I didn’t know the story behind why it was written in the first place until recently, which is a beautiful story. I wanted to honour my partner John with the grace he’s shown me as we’ve navigated changes our lives and the commitment we have to our relationship. So this is dedicated to him.
I think A new day is the perfect start to the album because, in many respects – new album, new leaf.
I used Piano, Alchemy, Prophet 5, PPG Wave 3, Diva, and JV-1080,
Phoenix – The next track I wrote after A new day was going to be taking the idea of playing with more elements from Hold me now. It had to close with elements of A New Day. What came out of the production was an incredibly powerful track that’s very personal. Themes of a phoenix rising from the ashes, new life, a new day. The fast and slow elements that produces play with, I have always adored, and you get that trance ethereal feeling.
This track captures the essence of the journey of re-finding myself I’ve been on in the past 6 years. I’m at a point where a lot has settled for me.
This track came together really quickly, surprisingly. It contains 59 different tracks! The most I have used on any production. It is so layered. This track was a labour of love, and the toughest to mix and master because of the layers. I think it sounds great. This really is my current magnum opus.
The soft synths used are Piano V3, Alchemy, Omnipshere, Nexus, Serum, Wavestate, PPG Wave 3, Diva, Triton Extreme, Piano, SRX Orchestra, Komplete
DMAO – If Phoenix is about my journey, DMAO is the celebration of that rebirth in many respects. For a track that sounds as epic as DMAO does, it only uses Legend Hz, Nexus, Serum, Omnisphere, Diva.
This is another one of those tracks that, I have no idea how it got here. Again, it just flowed. I wanted it to be an epic dance track, and it delivered what I wanted.
I really want to hear this at a club, and dance my arse off on the dance floor! Manchester, how about it? *GRIN*
That one point where it sounds like a low-fi cowbell? OMG! Love it! More cowbell! Naw, I’d rather have more of that rave horn I started the track with.
The most difficult part of this track was trying to make sure I have good balance on the bass. At times when I was mastering the track, it would sound anemic and then too much base. I think I have a good balance so that you can here the whole sonic spectrum
I’m also well chuffed that it’s included in an independent film, Circular: Act 2
Moving On – This one is a pensive track, the acid line provides a bit of chaos to the pads and strings. It forms a narrative with A new day and Phoenix.
I obsess over bass sounds on my tracks. The richness of the bass felt like I had taken my lessons on balancing things.
The strings and pads at the end of the track feels like the most epic use of strings and pads to change. Probably the best arrangement I’ve put together and the infinite reverb to close out the track was perfect.
I nearly did consider replacing Strength with this track for last track, or Good Night, but I think it’s prefect where it is. In the narrative of the day in the life of a kid having a fantastic Saturday playing video games with his friends – possibly an old school RPG, it works. It’s time for his friends to go home and to wind down.
Written using JV-1080, Piano, Piano V3, Largo, Alchemy, SRX Strings, SRX Studio, XV-5080, Diva,
Good Night – This was the final track written for the album and I was afraid I would write something that was a bit throw away, not something I’d put my heart into. It turned out very much the opposite.
The baseline was written using Ableton Live – using Serum and a combination of Reverb, Compressor, and EQ Eight inspired, I believe, by some YouTube videos I was using to learn some new music production techniques. This bass line is sublime to me. Definitely a groove with the beats. Classic.
While I attempted to use Link to link to Logic, ultimately I bounced the bass and beats out of Ableton and used it as a sample within Logic. That bass groove is just sublime. Especially adding the acid line towards the end, and then the infinite reverb close.
On the Logic side, I used Jupiter-8, Piano, Omnisphere, Nexus, Triton, Serum, Diva, MonoPoly, Legend Hz
I really feel this track sums up the feel of this album. In the video game narrative of the album, It’s been a great day, reminiscing and thinking about all the good times before heading to sleep. On the flip side, you’ve had a great day, time to go have a great night out.
I decided this past weekend that I would see how far I could go, using a Large Language Model, writing a relatively simple game. I used ChatGPT 4o to create a game.
I knew I wanted to build some form of a platformer, my favourite genre, and decided to go with a jungle theme. I adore playing Donkey Kong Junior, and this is kind of an homage to a game I have spent hours playing.
I’ve had a dream of buying a Panic! Playdate and the API is freely available. I decided I would build something for a platform I knew nothing about and also using a language I’ve never written code in – Lua. I don’t actually have the Playdate hardware, but I’m ready to buy one.
Developing a game, in a new language and API, for a platform I don’t even own.
I might go into detail about how I did this in future videos, but I started with building the player code getting jump and ground pound functionality working.
I then focused on the vines, ensuring that I could move left and right and only up and down on the vines.
I wanted two kinds of enemies – on the vines and in the air.
Of course I needed some form of collectable, which was inspired by Boulder Dash – another game I loved during my childhood.
I had fun trying to figure out collision and overlap detection as the vines behave differently than the enemies, which behave differently from the diamonds. Sprites can can push you or you can make them overlap. Really useful!
All the artwork was also created with ChatGPT – backgrounds, characters – all of it.
Here are my thoughts on using an LLM for coding:
I learned heaps. I have been interested in game development for years and have studied, but I’ve never spent the time to finally build a game. The classes make sense, how they interact with each other, the states. It made sense to me, but finally putting these together in my own game, there was so much I learned.
Despite using generated code, I know this code inside and out. I had to to figure out bugs as there were times I’d fix one thing with the LLM, and then it would break something else. It would go back and forth breaking the same bit of code until I called out, “Could it be this area” after realizing what was going on.
I look at AI as a tool to inspire, especially when you have the right tools, and I had the right tools – ChatGPT, Microsoft Visual Studio, the Playdate SDK, and Aseprite.
Is this lazy? I think not. It shows how efficient and quick I can be when developing code and want to get my ideas out. Anything I can do to speed up my development process, I support. For example, I am a huge proponent of reusable code which also speeds me up – referring to my own templates and design patterns.
If I were to write this from scratch, every line of code, it would have taken me two to three weeks. I did this in a weekend. I figure I spent 24 hours creating this. It will probably be 36 hours with tweaks, bug fixes, adjustments, etc.
I definitely want to do this more. This was the most fun I’ve had writing code for a personal project.
Polyatomic’s new album is about to drop and it’s a bit of a banger. Connected to Icebergs, yet way more upbeat and energetic. Strength will be released in 2024.
The first track from the album to be released, DMAO, is being released on January 31st to coincide with the release of an independent film from the Circular Bear Project – Circular: Act 2.
A few years ago, I was given an Amiga 1000. What a classic! The original Amiga by Commodore!
Signatures of those involved in the development of the Amiga – This is awesome!
It’s been sitting around collecting dust as a monitor stand. I boot it up once, however, given I started my Amiga life with an Amiga 500, I’m used to Kickstart bring in ROM. For the Amiga 1000, Kickstart was shipped on a 3.32 inch floppy disk. You startup with Kickstart, you then book up Workbench.
Kickstart is the bootstrap firmware that initializes the computer and then allows the computer to boot the OS – AmigaDOS and Workbench.
I don’t have a Kickstart disk, so I couldn’t do much with that computer.
Until now!
A RaspberryPi 3A plugged into an FPGA board connected to the A1000 while testing
Using Pistorm changes the game. Using a Raspberry Pi and an FPGA that plugs into the Motorola 68000 CPU slot, you can add new functionality to a stock Amiga:
Allows me to use any Kickstart ROM file and no longer require a Kickstart disk
Not only can I replace the 68000, I can super charge that computer with any Motorola processor up to the 68040! Yes, it’s emulation, but still – it runs faster than the Amiga 3000 I had!
I can use RTG – Retargetable Graphics – meaning I can output from the Amiga through the FPGA daughter board and the RaspberryPi. Lots of colours and high resolution, unlike the 640×480 I would normally use.
I can mount
Linux file systems and transfer files between the Linux environment that runs Pistorm, and the Amiga.
Floppy disk images
Hard Drive images
I can access WIFI and the Interneti with the Linux and Amiga TCP/IP stacks
It is awesome having a computer from my past – one of the schools I went to had one in their music program, and a friend had an Amiga 1000 – and breathing new life into it.
I’ve owned two of the most desirable Amiga computers – the 3000, and now the 1000 which outperforms my 3000 – although that ECS chipset…
This has been a fun project, and I am getting a lot more comfortable with hardware projects. Also, the series of videos by Ben Eater has given me some good food for though as to how processors and these interesting processor emulators work. Completely fascinating.
I’ve never cared about resolutions because often we focus on the things we need to fix rather than the things that lift us up.
I’m flipping that on its head this year. I’ve resolved to do two things this year:
Every day do something creative no matter how short or long
Every day do some form of exercise, whether it’s using my free weights that I keep in my office, go for a swim, go for a walk or something else
The approach I’m going with is that with doing something even if it’s 5 minutes, I’ll feel accomplished, and take stock of how I’m feeling which is often better, rather than focusing on “I need to do more”, “I’ll never achieve…”, etc… which I know has been a narrative in my head for way too long.
How has it been going?
I’m liking what’s happening. I’m getting in touch with getting back to swimming and taking steps to make this a regular thing.
During meetings where I’m more listening in, I can pull out the weights and do a set of curls, shoulder presses
About 19-20 years ago, I tried a Yoga session and after I felt pretty amazing. My friend Mike mentioned that he was doing Yoga and I asked him about it and he mentioned a YouTube channel Man Flow Yoga. I decided to try some of the positions from the channel and while I’ve got a learning curve and I need to work on core strength, it’s not insurmountable.
At this point, I’m trying a few things and taking stock of how I’m feeling after. I am focusing on making this about having fun, positivity, just doing something and feeling good no matter how small or big the effort is.
Creatively, I’m driving the house nuts with finishing up my next album. The second last track is completed, and one more to go. I just need the artwork completed and then I can release it.
I’ve wondered whether or not if I’ll continue writing music or not. Looking at Spotify, I’ve realized that I released Icebergs in 2020, and Techknow in 2023 – It’s been two years since I released new music, I thought it was longer, 4 years, so I have been steadily creative, even if I go long periods of time between working on music, or perceive that.
I’m choosing to continue Polyatomic, it’s a great creative outlet for me, and it’s a great form of self expression.
While 2024 was a good year, it has also had its challenge points that have cast a grey cloud. On reflection, I’ve had sunnier days in 2024, versus 2021 and 2022. However, I’ve seen some habits, mostly around what I do with my spare time and spending too much time sitting on the couch watching YouTube. That can and will still be part of my downtime, but as I start to prepare for retirement in 10 to 15 years, I need to build habits that keep me moving and engaging my brain and not just wasting away on the couch.
It’s something that I really didn’t have an understanding of until I considered that I may be living with it, researched it, and the pandemic, plus some brewing personal situations that I needed to resolve was really the impetus for me figuring it out.
I think, when people think about anxiety, they think of the stereotypical suburban housewife in the 80s and earlier, taking Valium, not able to cope with things; which does a real disservice to women and stigmatizes what anxiety is, and how it can be treated.
We’ve come a long way since then and while mental health is still misunderstood, the treatments, compassion and care that exists today versus what I’ve seen friends go through, say, in the 80s is night and day.
NOTE: This blog entry discusses my mental health journey and while aspects here might help you, I am not a mental health expert and I advise you that if any of what I have written resonates with you, do consider speaking with a therapist.
Consider being in a situation that involves someone else where your mind is racing trying to figure out all the angles, possibilities and outcomes of the situation in advance so you’re prepared to get through any variant of the situation – a perpetual what if machine.
You’re nervous about saying the right thing in the right way because it’s super important to you, you have often been misunderstood in life, so you want to make sure you’re heard and understood. It consumes you and takes up valuable cycles you could be using to focus on other things in your life.
You become irritable, emotional – you want to do the right thing- you want to do the right thing for yourself, you also want to be considerate and do the right thing for the person you need to talk with and open up to, but you can’t because you’re trying to find the perfect way to meet your needs, their needs, to be sensitive to the other person and true to yourself.
You agonize over it. You beat yourself up.
At least, in how anxiety has been showing up for me, this has been a common scenario. I recognize that anxiety shows up in a multitude of different ways for different people. Overcoming and learning to live with anxiety is a unique journey for everyone.
There are a few approaches I figured out for myself that seemed to work
I write it out as it helps to get out of your head – a theme – and allows me to collect and organize thoughts. I can spin so hard, its very hard to keep thoughts organized.
I talk to others to get out of my head – starting to see a theme? Mainly because I have the sense to say, “I need help!”. I know I’m stuck inside, and need to check in with someone else who is outside the situation to get a reality check, to be challenged and ultimately to help stop that spinning so I could do what I needed to do – which was to talk the person I really needed to.
In some situations I’m able to talk directly to the person, which really is how it should be, but it’s not as smooth as it really should be, and even in those moments, when talking things out, my head can be spinning hard.
That spinning is not kind, it will pull in other baggage, and it’s very hard to dig out. I knew that if I talked directly to the person involved about the situation I’m spinning about, it’s not going to be pretty. At least, that’s what I thought at the time.
In all honesty, no matter how weird or meandering or even ugly the path to the resolution to the situation you’re in is, dealing with it straight up is actually better. The people that can and do see past your baggage will be the ones that will help you figure things out and support you in seeing through your anxiety and triggers.
The character of Anxiety in Inside Out 2, a recent movie from Disney-Pixar, anthropomorphizes a great representation of anxiety. I really feel that if I had this story growing up, it may have given me some good food for thought or at least planted a seed where I could have realized earlier what was happening and lessened the impact on my life.
I’m not going to talk here about how I was able to connect the dots that lead to me learning how to mitigate my anxiety as it did involve some unconventional methods. The parts I will talk about are
it did involve looking at situations that were triggering me. At the time I was dealing with triggers constantly going off from multiple sources – I am surprised I kept it together. For me, this was typically the starting point for where anxiety starts for a given situation.
I had the sense to take the time to understand why I was triggered – what in my past is trying to inform me that I’m in some form of “danger zone”? This part of my looking inward journey was huge and I had to build courage to go there and face my interpretation of the past, and heal from it. I had to go back and deal with my past.
I spent time with my therapist to talk through what I was seeing and experiencing.
Most importantly, I have some amazing family around me who gave me:
a safe space for me to be able to deal with whatever I was dealing with in real time as things came up,
while they called me on my shit, it was clear they had my back and loved me and stood for me being a better Iain, and they were invested in being part of my life just as I wanted them in my life,
the space to make mistakes and learn from them,
reminders that I was worthy of that support and love,
a voice, that would be listened to, where I felt heard, and people took the time to understand me and what I was dealing with,
where I could get reassurance and learn to trust that reassurance,
where I could express emotion and not feel locked up, that i was wrong for just feeling and expressing that emotion – that my emotions are real and valid,
challenged me in a good thought provoking way – during that whole period I was constantly hearing “Get out of your head, Iain”,
giving me the love and respect that I really needed to get through such a weird space that I happened to get into, that I needed to dig out of.
While only I could do the work, having that support network was what I really needed to sort myself out. Definitely a gift the universe has given me.
Today, I can say my mind is the quietest it has ever been, ever. I cringe thinking about the times it lead to awkward and explosive situations. I’m not comfortable with it, and all I can do is accept that it happened and where required clean it up. learn from it and be a better person.
Anxiety has shaped my life for an incredibly long time. I can go back to my childhood where it started. I have no idea if it’s something that I’m predispositioned towards or a learned behaviour – I suspect a combination of both.
I certainly recognize what I went through, and the situations that made me a pro at the spin and keeping things to myself. My strong independent streak because I couldn’t rely on or didn’t even have the support I should have had when I was younger, and keeping things to myself as a result, among other things, all this adds up, and I am not surprised at how this turned out. It was a perfect storm.
I am proud of the man I’ve become, I’m proud of the hard work I’ve done on myself to be a better human. The true me has always been upbeat, personable, hardworking, someone who wants to do the right thing, make the world a better place and an introvert-leaning ambivert willing to look inwards,
The people that matter, I know, are also proud of me. I would not be where I am without them.
Yesterday I took our Tesla for its first charge at a Tesla Supercharger, mainly to check it out, see how simple the process was. Seriously, it was easy. Literally, as long as there’s a credit card linked to your Tesla account, you plug in and go, and you’re charged directly.
I decided to try getting there using Full Self Driving which is included for three months as I used a referral to purchase.
I started on the road in our relatively quiet neighbourhood which was a good place to start getting up to speed and then turning on FSD. I was nervous having researched some of the challenges, times you need to take over, etc.
Remember, you need to pay full attention when using any driver assistance system, especially one in beta. You can and should override the system anytime you’re feeling unsafe.
There areas where I was nervous:
Turning on to a busy street
The on ramp onto a highway
Exiting the highway and being placed in the correct lane – where I exit has, I believe, six lanes – two turning lanes left and right, and two go through lanes
I’d be curious to see how the vehicle does when the busy street is busier. The car turned flawlessly.
I was nervous that entering the ramp to get on the highway that it would take the ramp quickly and it initially did, but then slowed down appropriately and then accelerated up to speed beautifully. I’m used to merging sooner than the car did, and in this case the car chose to use the full acceleration lane.
People had moved over so it was clear to merge. That is one of my concerns – people often won’t move over for me in our other vehicle and I have to be aggressive getting on to the highway. It’s super annoying.
Exiting the highway at a particularly busy exit, it chose the correct lane and drove fully to the Supercharger.
I am impressed with the system and I hear that FSD 12 (we currently have FSD 11) is way better.
Do I need a Full Self Driving system in a car? I’d say not, I’m quite happy with a more “basic” lane keep assist and traffic aware cruise control which still uses AI. I still want to drive rather than give up that control. Yes, I want to be in control. LOL
If you’re interested in a Tesla and this blog has helped, feel free to ise my referral link to book a demo drive or to buy a Tesla. and get awards like 3 months of Full Self-Driving Capability.
